Three Steps Forward

Sometimes you just know something feels right.  My original post about Athena's Victory also started out like this.  I had an idea and I ran with it; I evolved and it evolved with me.  I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I researched a world I knew nothing about and I met some very supportive people.  What feels right, right now, is that I end my pursuit of owning a business.  I love the idea of a medical retail store that is focused on those in the LGBTQ+ community, of having prosthetic devices and specialized products for those who are transgendered.  It's an idea whose time has come.  Transgendered people make up a larger portion of the community than you'd ever expect.  I know, I've met many in our area, and I appreciate their support and candor in helping me achieve my dream.

I also appreciate the help at the Lane County Small Business Development Center.  Most communities have a SBDC that offers free mentorship and low cost classes and workshops.  They're goal is to help you develop your idea and if your business plan ends up showing that your idea isn't ready, that isn't a failure.  A failure is jumping in without being thoroughly aware of all the costs and work involved.  The more I delved into my business plan, the more regulations and costs came up: physical space requirements, liability insurance, personal start up capital, government inspections, etc.  I'm proud of the work I did; I took a chance on a dream and in the end, I wasn't too proud to realize that I'm not the type of person that wants the responsibility of running my own business.  I like to be stress free and come home from work and be done with it mentally.  I don't want to be constantly worrying about making enough money to pay back loans.

I'm sad that Athena's Victory isn't going to happen, but I'm also relieved.  A year ago or so I was at lunch with a friend when our conversation made her realize she didn't want to continue her marriage.  It was like watching a light bulb go off in her head.  The other night I had a conversation where I said I may not do the store if obstacles kept coming up and I realized as I spoke that it felt like giving myself permission to back out.  It was a bittersweet moment just as I imagine it was for my friend on her marriage.  It's okay to be sad and grieve the loss of your dream, but it's also okay to cut your losses and move on.

Back in the Saddle Again

Bless me audience, for I have sinned. It’s been almost a year since my last confession.

 My sin?  Some would think it’s just the act of living in general.  I think mine’s more a sin of omission.  Of ignoring my dream and passion, of letting the fear of the new and unknown keep me down.  Last March, I was gung-ho on a mission to open Athena’s Victory, my cancer support store.   I signed up with the small business development council at the coast, got a business license, a website, researched the market, took a mastectomy bra fitting certification class . . . .then . . . nothing.

I dropped the ball for a few reasons: we had an opportunity to move inland for Prince Eric to pursue a dream of his, and I was turned down by the closest place that did mastectomy bra fitting.  For testing for certification, you have to train for a certain number of hours under a licensed person first.  The only place in the general area was discouraging; not knowing anything about me and my background, she assumed I didn’t have the proper skills, nor did she want to train someone to be competition.  I give up easily.  It’s from a fear of failure, I’ve always given up when things become hard or challenging.  I’ve kept Athena’s Victory in the back of my mind but didn’t really think it was ever going to happen.  Financially, we’re paycheck to paycheck with both of us working, how would we do it with only one stable income?  Again, I let fear do most of the thinking.

Flash forward to November and the election of our now President.  It’s not what I expected, nor what I wanted.  I’m not going to bitch and complain about it but I’m not going to roll over and accept whatever happens either.  I plan on continuing to demonstrate kindness, tolerance and stand up for fellow humankind through my thoughts, words and deeds.  I hope he’s the best president ever.  I hope he unites the country and puts us in prosperous times.  Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, right?

I think even more so now, the world needs a place like Athena’s Victory.  On June 11th, 2016, I was celebrating my son’s college graduation at a local gay nightclub’s Friday night drag show.  I woke up June 12th to the news of the mass shooting at Pulse nightclub in Orlando which killed 49 people and injured 53 others, mostly gay young men.  How easily it could have been us out for a fun night, shot to death only for our own or our loved ones sexual orientation?  It’s awful to think that things only seem to matter when they directly affect us or hit home like that, but it’s time to think beyond our own insular world of comfort.  It was then that I decided to expand Athena’s Victory from a cancer support retail store to one that also welcomed people recovering from transition surgery, or who were searching for clothing or bras to fit a body that wasn’t the norm.  Whether you’re a 70 year old woman looking for a mastectomy bra after cancer surgery, or a 30 year old man transitioning to correctly become the woman you’ve been inside, you will be welcomed and treated with respect and dignity.

Flash forward to today:  I signed up for small business classes at our local community college.  I can do my current job and take workshops around my schedule.   They have a series of classes to help develop a business as well as free advice from mentors.

 Yep, back in the saddle again.