Uh huh, yeah. That's totally OCD . . . . having to have your desk straightened or your refrigerator spotless. If only you knew. I know people just mean it jokingly and say things like that off-handedly, but I cringe inside when I hear it. I've been plagued with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder since I was about 7 years old. It's not as fun as it sounds. I'm what is sometimes referred to as a pure "O", I obsess, but I don't really have compulsive behaviors though I do have some physical tics. When I was little, I would rub together my fingers and toes until they were callused, just thinking about it now makes me do it. The most noticeable of my tics was when I would feel like my neck or shoulders needed "stretched" is the only I can describe it, but this right about the time the movie E.T. came out and other kids said I looked like him. Blinking a lot was another of my nervous tics that kids would notice or make fun of. I still do this, and sniffle, when I'm stressed or anxious. OCD and Tourette's Syndrome are related disorders on the same spectrum. I'm just thankful that I didn't have more outwardly obvious signs such as yelling out or making guttural noises as people with Tourette's sometimes do.
As I got older my OCD became more mentally difficult. I would repeat things constantly in my head, saying imaginary conversations until French, then Sign Language, then Spanish. Meaningless conversations that I would never have but for some reason I "had" to repeat them over in my head until they were "perfect", whatever that was. My mind would race at night and I would have difficulty shutting it off so I could sleep. Going to new places was very difficult for me, I had so much anxiety over would I find the right place, would I get there on time, would people watch me come in. What if I tripped? What if I said something really odd? I would check, and double check, and triple check the time I needed to be there, and the address where I was going. When I was driving, I would worry that I would intentionally run someone over and I wouldn't be able to control myself from doing something awful. This is actually very common for someone with OCD, the fear that you'll harm someone. For some people, this is related to their compulsions. They "have to" touch something a certain number of times, for example, or bad things will happen to their loved ones.
I've been on Zoloft for many years and it's what keeps me sane and functioning. Sometimes I'll try to go off it to see if I can, or I don't have insurance or can't afford it at the moment and I realize it's something I truly need. It's not a crutch, nor a mask to avoid facing my problems. I have no shame that I need medication to keep me functioning. Shameful is having a fixable problem and refusing to help yourself, whether that be counseling, medication, nutrition, meditation, etc. Not all people with OCD need or respond to medication, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to work very well. Not all people with depression need medication either, there are situational stressors or times of grief that may not be appropriate to treat this way. But I'm talking about me and only for me. Just, please, next time when you joke about "your OCD" think about what it really involves.
